Monthly Archives: August 2010

The Reviews are in!

Yes, the world has now felt the callous touch of the Fat Fingers of Justice, and the response has been electric.  Whether you’re an Austin hipster, a New York socialite, or a blue-collar good ol’ boy in Middle America, you can’t escape the media onslaught and sociopolitical waves being made by this blog.  The good people of America…are talking, and boy do they have some powerful reactions:

Tana Justice, Mother:  “I’m not sure I understand it all.”

Chip “Baby” Bartlebee, Blog Coach:  “Let’s just say no one’s accusing ol’ Lazy Fingers of being prolific.  I mean, five blogs in as many months?  By God, let’s see some hustle!”

Sarah Justice Pritchett, Sister: ” The cat interview was a little over the top.”

New York Times:  “The most intriguing…and thought-provoking blog currently being written.  It teaches by infecting the reader with the perplexities that Ol’ Fat Fingers so deeply experiences.”

Ralph Ellison, Novelist & Literary Critic – “For all his concern with the South, Justice is actually seeking out the nature of man.  Thus we must turn to him for that continuity of moral purpose which made for the greatness of our classics.”

Lindsay Palmer, Artist:  “He is magical with cats.”

Someone who should just keep his damn mouth shut, Self:  “He is clearly overcompensating for his deepest insecurities with grandiose self-promotion and delusions of excellence in the very deficiencies of his character he so deeply struggles to obscure.  I’m reminded of C.S. Lewis looking inside himself to find ‘a zoo of lusts, a bedlam of ambitions, a nursery of fears, a harem of fondled hatreds.’  The dude’s weird, is all I’m saying.”

Tim, Roommate’s Boyfriend:  “So, is there a theme to this, or is it just random bullshit?”

So, it appears the heart of America has been captured and beats brilliantly in the firm grasp of the Fat Fingers.

Stay tuned for hard-hitting investigative journalism on some of Austin’s local beer joints, as your intrepid blogger explores the drunker sides of the Texas capital.


Filed under Humor, Meta

Yep, This Here’s a Blog. Don’t Get all Gussied up Now. ‘Tain’t Church er Nuthin’.

I just realized I ran all sorts of errands wearing the same t-shirt from last night – my birthday chocolate cake t-shirt, complete with a decent glob of icing just below my right boob. I wondered why that girl in Whole Foods looked at me like that. I clearly cannot tell looks of interest from looks of confusion turning slowly to disgust.

But maybe she was into it.  How do I know?  Perhaps there is a girl out there with a sloppy, chocolate-cake-covered obscure rock band t-shirt fetish just waiting to truly love and accept Ol’ Fat Fingers Justice.

And potential lady or ladies, for real – it’s like you’re on a cruise, all-inclusive, constantly and forever… when you choose to  cruise on the Relation Ship of Justice.

You won’t want to sleep, nor will you want to eat.  You will only want to love.

REO Speedwagon wrote a song about just such a situation.

Or was it Journey?  Shit, that Steve Perry sure could spin a yarn.

Here is a picture of him as RoboCop.

From my Dream Journal


Filed under Humor, Personal