Drunk Cooking: Cake!!!

In what is most likely to be a never-weekly series, I discuss something I cooked.

While it’s not recommended for the faint of liver, drunk cooking can be an exciting and rewarding enterprise.

Over the Christmas holiday I was dazzled (I would dare say razzle-dazzled, but I don’t want to get carried away and thus lose hyperbole’s effectiveness through overuse) once again by family’s home-cooked meals.  Particularly captivating this year was my aunt’s Cherry-Pineapple Dump Cake.

For the record (who’s keeping that anyway? Is this the record?),  I am not usually a cherry fan.  I won’t turn one down, especially if it’s chocolate-covered, but I don’t seek them out.

See what I’m doing here?   I’m setting up a hurdle over which the upcoming recipe will soar, most triumphantly.

Despite this blasé attitude toward cherry-related foods, I typically follow a no-refusal policy toward desserts.  Plus, I was cresting a gustatory high from Christmas dinner and feeling experimental.  At such a moment, will power is just not a graspable concept.

So, it was reheated and topped with a generous dollop of vanilla ice cream.

That’s right – it was even leftovers from the previous day!

That dessert didn’t stand a chance.   I tried to eat slowly, but it was so good that some primordial fear and jealousy overtook me and I ate it like cake-predators were circling.

There weren’t any.  So, I had a little more, relaxed that there was plenty to go around.   It’s crispy, buttery-soaked top juxtaposes with the high-viscosity fruit-filling beneath to make me lose descriptive skill and just say, “Holy crap, that’s good.”

I must have gone on and on about it, because I was presented with directions for cooking it, along with strong reassurance that even I could make it.

Yes, in what would normally be considered clear condescension were I not aware and accepting of my how-can-you-fuck-up-a-hot-pocket level of cooking skills, I was encouraged to purchase the ingredients and give it a shot.

And so, I did.


Cherry-Pineapple Dump Cake

Makes 8 to 10 sober servings, divide by half for drunkards


1 Fridge that looks like this

1 Strong case of drunk-munchies, although not necessary by any means

1 (20-ounce) can crushed pineapple, undrained

1 (21-ounce) can cherry pie filling

1 (18.25-ounce) package yellow cake mix

¾ cup butter or margarine, melted

½ cup chopped pecans, toasted

Ice cream or whipped topping

Spread crushed pineapple on bottom of a lightly greased 13 X 9-inch pan.  Top pineapple with cherry pie filling and sprinkle cake mix evenly over filling.  Drizzle with melted butter, and sprinkle with chopped pecans.

It should be noted I used walnuts instead of pecans.  (Pssst, they’re cheaper.)

Bake at 350 degrees for 50 to 60 minutes or until golden and bubbly. Serve with ice cream.

Prep: 10 min., Bake: 1 hr

What I really like about this is how impossible it is to screw up.  I even tried to screw it up the second time by being completely sober.  But no, still good.  Admittedly, I decided to forgo the ice cream, but it was still so insanely delicious.  It is literally a dump and stir prep-process, thus easy enough for a sauced man-child to make.

Here is a poor photograph of the finished product moments before part of it got in my mustache.


1 Comment

Filed under Food, Humor, Personal

One response to “Drunk Cooking: Cake!!!

  1. Suzann Stenstrom

    I genuinely like to eat dump cakes since it is actually sweet as well as easy to produce. My mom used to make dump cakes for me personally and my sibling. All you need are several ingredients which may be conveniently purchased at the grocery store.

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