Tag Archives: Desserts

Drunk Cooking: Cake!!!

In what is most likely to be a never-weekly series, I discuss something I cooked.

While it’s not recommended for the faint of liver, drunk cooking can be an exciting and rewarding enterprise.

Over the Christmas holiday I was dazzled (I would dare say razzle-dazzled, but I don’t want to get carried away and thus lose hyperbole’s effectiveness through overuse) once again by family’s home-cooked meals.  Particularly captivating this year was my aunt’s Cherry-Pineapple Dump Cake.

For the record (who’s keeping that anyway? Is this the record?),  I am not usually a cherry fan.  I won’t turn one down, especially if it’s chocolate-covered, but I don’t seek them out.

See what I’m doing here?   I’m setting up a hurdle over which the upcoming recipe will soar, most triumphantly.

Despite this blasé attitude toward cherry-related foods, I typically follow a no-refusal policy toward desserts.  Plus, I was cresting a gustatory high from Christmas dinner and feeling experimental.  At such a moment, will power is just not a graspable concept.

So, it was reheated and topped with a generous dollop of vanilla ice cream.

That’s right – it was even leftovers from the previous day!

That dessert didn’t stand a chance.   I tried to eat slowly, but it was so good that some primordial fear and jealousy overtook me and I ate it like cake-predators were circling.

There weren’t any.  So, I had a little more, relaxed that there was plenty to go around.   It’s crispy, buttery-soaked top juxtaposes with the high-viscosity fruit-filling beneath to make me lose descriptive skill and just say, “Holy crap, that’s good.”

I must have gone on and on about it, because I was presented with directions for cooking it, along with strong reassurance that even I could make it.

Yes, in what would normally be considered clear condescension were I not aware and accepting of my how-can-you-fuck-up-a-hot-pocket level of cooking skills, I was encouraged to purchase the ingredients and give it a shot.

And so, I did.

Twice.

Cherry-Pineapple Dump Cake

Makes 8 to 10 sober servings, divide by half for drunkards

Ingredients:

1 Fridge that looks like this

1 Strong case of drunk-munchies, although not necessary by any means

1 (20-ounce) can crushed pineapple, undrained

1 (21-ounce) can cherry pie filling

1 (18.25-ounce) package yellow cake mix

¾ cup butter or margarine, melted

½ cup chopped pecans, toasted

Ice cream or whipped topping

Spread crushed pineapple on bottom of a lightly greased 13 X 9-inch pan.  Top pineapple with cherry pie filling and sprinkle cake mix evenly over filling.  Drizzle with melted butter, and sprinkle with chopped pecans.

It should be noted I used walnuts instead of pecans.  (Pssst, they’re cheaper.)

Bake at 350 degrees for 50 to 60 minutes or until golden and bubbly. Serve with ice cream.

Prep: 10 min., Bake: 1 hr

What I really like about this is how impossible it is to screw up.  I even tried to screw it up the second time by being completely sober.  But no, still good.  Admittedly, I decided to forgo the ice cream, but it was still so insanely delicious.  It is literally a dump and stir prep-process, thus easy enough for a sauced man-child to make.

Here is a poor photograph of the finished product moments before part of it got in my mustache.

REMEMBER TO PUT DOWN YOUR BEER AND TURN OFF THE OVEN

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