In what is most likely to be a never-weekly series, I discuss something I cooked.
While it’s not recommended for the faint of liver, drunk cooking can be an exciting and rewarding enterprise.
Over the Christmas holiday I was dazzled (I would dare say razzle-dazzled, but I don’t want to get carried away and thus lose hyperbole’s effectiveness through overuse) once again by family’s home-cooked meals. Particularly captivating this year was my aunt’s Cherry-Pineapple Dump Cake.
For the record (who’s keeping that anyway? Is this the record?), I am not usually a cherry fan. I won’t turn one down, especially if it’s chocolate-covered, but I don’t seek them out.
See what I’m doing here? I’m setting up a hurdle over which the upcoming recipe will soar, most triumphantly.
Despite this blasé attitude toward cherry-related foods, I typically follow a no-refusal policy toward desserts. Plus, I was cresting a gustatory high from Christmas dinner and feeling experimental. At such a moment, will power is just not a graspable concept.
So, it was reheated and topped with a generous dollop of vanilla ice cream.
That’s right – it was even leftovers from the previous day!
That dessert didn’t stand a chance. I tried to eat slowly, but it was so good that some primordial fear and jealousy overtook me and I ate it like cake-predators were circling.
There weren’t any. So, I had a little more, relaxed that there was plenty to go around. It’s crispy, buttery-soaked top juxtaposes with the high-viscosity fruit-filling beneath to make me lose descriptive skill and just say, “Holy crap, that’s good.”
I must have gone on and on about it, because I was presented with directions for cooking it, along with strong reassurance that even I could make it.
Yes, in what would normally be considered clear condescension were I not aware and accepting of my how-can-you-fuck-up-a-hot-pocket level of cooking skills, I was encouraged to purchase the ingredients and give it a shot.
And so, I did.
Cherry-Pineapple Dump Cake
Makes 8 to 10 sober servings, divide by half for drunkards
1 Fridge that looks like this
1 Strong case of drunk-munchies, although not necessary by any means
1 (20-ounce) can crushed pineapple, undrained
1 (21-ounce) can cherry pie filling
1 (18.25-ounce) package yellow cake mix
¾ cup butter or margarine, melted
½ cup chopped pecans, toasted
Ice cream or whipped topping
Spread crushed pineapple on bottom of a lightly greased 13 X 9-inch pan. Top pineapple with cherry pie filling and sprinkle cake mix evenly over filling. Drizzle with melted butter, and sprinkle with chopped pecans.
It should be noted I used walnuts instead of pecans. (Pssst, they’re cheaper.)
Bake at 350 degrees for 50 to 60 minutes or until golden and bubbly. Serve with ice cream.
Prep: 10 min., Bake: 1 hr
What I really like about this is how impossible it is to screw up. I even tried to screw it up the second time by being completely sober. But no, still good. Admittedly, I decided to forgo the ice cream, but it was still so insanely delicious. It is literally a dump and stir prep-process, thus easy enough for a sauced man-child to make.
Here is a poor photograph of the finished product moments before part of it got in my mustache.
REMEMBER TO PUT DOWN YOUR BEER AND TURN OFF THE OVEN